Falling Back to You
by BringItOn123321
Summary: When Sherlock jumped off of St.Bart's hospital, John became a broken man. He is haunted by is love for Sherlock. Turning to drugs, John tries to block out any memory of Sherlock, but his plan soon ends when Sherlock comes back into his life, at the same time as an old enemy of John's. Soon Sherlock will find out just how strange John's old life was.
1. Chapter 1

Hey fanfiction! This is my first story and I hope it goes over well. For every chapter I will have a question in my disclaimer and my readers should try to answer it. This chapters question is: In the second episode of Sherlock; The Blind Banker, what does the newspaper read after he solved the crime? Answer this question for a sneak preview of my next chapter as well as my new fan fiction. PLEASE R and R!

I do not own Sherlock or any of the characters, but I do own this plot.

John's POV

I have lived through death before. I was a soldier in a war, I saw men falling around me, and I didn't shed a tear. Then why is it, now after the death of just one man, can I not stop the tears flowing down from my eyes. They all tell me to move on and forget him, forget the life we had together. But, I know I can't let his memories go. The flat looks the same, I could not bear to move anything that smelled like him, that looked like him, or that even remotely reminded me of who he was. Lestrade and Mrs. Hudson try to get me to move past the life I had before, but I fear moving on means letting him go, and I will never let the memories of Sherlock die.

I hear the door open and the sound of footsteps climbing the staircase, I can tell it's Greg, he comes over to the flat every day at 5pm, like clockwork. I wonder if he feels guilty, or if he feels betrayed. I can't explain how I feel about Sherlock, to be honest, I could not even face how I felt when he was alive.

"Evening John, how are you doing tonight?"

I know it's not a real question, it's the same one he asks every time he comes in, it seems rehearsed at this point. So, I choose to reply with my rehearsed answer, like always.

"Fine, just a little tired." Tired is an understatement, I have not slept in weeks, all I see when I close my eyes is that damn coat collar and his beautiful cheekbones.

"Look John, I know that it has been a hard couple of months for you, I feel the same way, I want to talk to you outside of this flat. I want to go out for drinks like we used to, please, I know you need someone on your side right now."

I look up at him shocked, this has never been part of our script, he usually just nods and says _"I understand, let me know if there is anything I can do to help you get on with your life." _When did the rules of this game change? However, I do need to talk about Sherlock, and I figure Greg is better than Mycroft or some therapist in an office.

"Sure Greg, meet you at Cloggart's Pub tonight at 8pm?"

I can see he is taken aback, clearly he was expecting to be turned down, he takes some time before replying.

"O-of course, that sounds wonderful, I'll meet you there, see you soon."

With that he is walking out of the flat, and I am back alone wallowing in my grief and sorrow. I force my self out of my chair and walk towards the open window letting in the cool midday breeze of central London. Staring out of the window I can't help but realize that the words Mycroft spoke to me upon my meeting with Sherlock where more true than even he realized. _"Most people come to this city and all they see is lights and trees and other people, when you walk with Sherlock Holmes you see the battlefield."_ I chuckle softly to myself, and look back out the window. Even though I am trying my hardest I can no longer see the battlefield that is hidden in the ground of London.

Walking up to my room I open the door and lay down on my bed, smelling the dust and mold scent that has clearly taken over my old room. It's understandable, I have not set foot in my old room since the fall. Most of my stuff is in Sherlocks old room, seeing as how I have taken that room as mine now. The only thing I keep in my rooms is my secret supply. I walk over to the desk and pull out a silver key on a gold keychain. I reach under my bed and pull out a lockbox. Inserting the key and opening the box, I remove the contents and walk over towards my bathroom. Heroine. It started a week after the fall, when Molly suggested I take up my time with a hobby, something that brings me joy, relaxes me. The heroine became my hobby, and I cannot live without it.

Inserting the needle into the veins on my wrist I sigh as the calm feeling washes over my body. It feels good, and I finally understood how Sherlock must have felt when everyone was telling him to quit. The only person I would quit for at this point would be Sherlock.

Taking out the needle I begin to walk towards the pub down the street.

-Time Jump , At the pub-

The moment I walk through the doors I realizes this is a bad idea. There are too many people and I don't think that drinking will make them go away. Just as I am about to leave I see Greg wave me over to a table, not wanting to seem like I was running away I walk over and sit down.

"Evening John, I am glad you finally came out of the flat, I know how hard this step must have been for you."

"Yes well, sometimes I think that hiding away in the flat for the rest of my life sounds like a good idea, but then I remember that my life went on before Sherlock walked into it, and it should go on after he leaves."

I don't know where those words came from, did I really feel this way about my life, was it worth nothing to me until Sherlock met me in the Lab?

"J-john I wanted to tell you I am truly sorry for what I did and how I turned on you." I understand where is he going with this and I really do not want to go there right now with him. "I knew that Sherlock was not guilty, he could never do something like that to children, I know he sometimes looked and acted like a machine, but no matter what anyone says or does, there is nothing that can convince me he was heartless. I should have stuck up for his dignity and his rights as a person who I trusted. John, I don't think I can live with myself if I know you blame his death on me."

Yep I was right, not the conversation I want to be having at a bar, I don't wanna be having the conversation at all. However, when I look at his face I see the exact problem I have had for the past couple of months, not having closure. I don't believe that Greg was responsible for his death, I think that is was something he came up with in his own head, and decided to try it out, almost like one big science experiment.

"Listen Greg, I don't blame you for his suicide, that is why they call them suicides, because it is the victims choice. Sherlock clearly did not want to be part of the population any more and there is nothing we could have done to change his mind. Remember what he said, _"You can't kill an idea, not once it has made a home up here." _Try and remember that next time you feel the need to blame yourself."

I take a sip of my beer when suddenly Greg's face lights up and he smiles, I am suddenly wondering what he has just found out.

"You loved him as more than a friend and a flatmate didn't you?"

I almost chocked on my beer. LOVED SHERLOCK HOLEMS. That is the most ridiculous think I have ever heard..Unless it's true? Sherlock never showed any interest in women, and even though he never showed interest in men either does not me he is not gay... What am I thinking? I am straight and I always will be, besides it does not matter in this case. Sherlock is never coming to carry me off into the sunset.

"No, Sherlock was a lot of things to me, but I never loved him in that way, I will admit I did depend on his mind and thought process, but I did not love his as a lover or a boyfriend, he just would not match what I was looking for."

"...You realize you just admitted your gay right John?"

I double back from shock, was that what I just did? Did I just say that Sherlock Holmes was not my "type!" Does that mean I have a type? While I was pondering the subject I turned my face to the door and saw a face I though I would never have to see again.

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CLIFFHANGER! DUH DUH DUH!

R and R please!


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys, so that was not enough reviews for me to continue posting chapters. However I really like this story and I want to continue it. Please review my writing, so I can see if my time is worth it. In answer to the last chapters question, the newspaper read "Who Wants to be a Millionhair?" but nobody even guessed so nobody got the prize. I will put out another question and I hope this time someone with answer it. Question: In the episode The Great Game, what was the name of the kid that the trainers belonged to?

I am going to get back to the real reason you guys clicked on this story, for my writing!

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John's POV

She is still beautiful, no wonder Sherlock got tongue tied every time he saw her. Did I just feel jealous over Sherlock Holmes? I turn back to look at her and I see that this time she is looking right at me. Irene Adler. As soon as she made eye contact with me she walked swiftly out of the bar. I get up fast to follow her.

"John, is everything alright, did you see someone?"

I can hear the worry in his voice, I can tell he thinks I saw Sherlock.

"Yea, an old friend of mine from the army. I'm gonna go say hi, I guess I will see you tomorrow?"

"Yea of course, have a good night. Oh and John, thanks."

I smile at him then dash out of the pub. She is an expert at running away from people but I still catch a glimpse of her crossing the street. I charge over to her.

"Irene! Stop please I need to ask you a question."

She turned around and looked at me with an expression I could not place.

"Yes Doctor Watson?"

"I-you-I mean you were dead, Mycroft told me you were killed by a terror cell."

"Yes well your little detective saved my life, after I did try and destroy his. I must admit I never thought he would risk his life to save a women like me."

I feel another pang of jealousy when she tells me that he saved her. I was about to comment when I realize she still had more to say.

"I am back in London for a few nights and I was going to pay him a visit, are you heading back to Baker Street now?"

I feel like all the air has been violently kicked out of me, I hate when people don't know that he died. I end up having to explain the entire story and by the end I am holding back tear.

"Yes I am going back, but I am afraid he is not going to be there, you see, Sherlock died about three months ago..."

She looks shocked but at the same time she looks as if she knows something that I don't know. I decide not to bring it up, I'm not sure I would want to have known anyway.

"If you want to come back with me, I can explain how it happened to you. I really don't like talking about it, but you understood him, and maybe you could help me understand how something like this happened."

"Of course, I would love to come back to 221B. I haven't been there since the incident with my cell phone, by the way, did he he ever tell you how that case was solved?"

Now that she brought that up I remember. Sherlock never did tell me how that case ended, he just told me it was finished.

"No he never told me, but now that he is gone, I would like to know."

"Ok well I will tell you what happened on the way back to your flat, and you can tell me what happened once we are there. Deal?"

I smile for the first time in ages. As much as I despised her for almost breaking Sherlock's heart, she was rather interesting. Although, Sherlock did try and keep me in the dark about her and her case.

"Deal."

We start walking towards Baker Street and I motion for her to start the story.

"Ok, well it was after you left to spend the night at Sarah's. Sherlock and I were talking about an old WW2 story, you know the one about Coventry?"

I was familiar with the story, and I knew that it was 100% true.

"Yes they talked about it while I was in training for war."

"Well Sherlock seemed to believe that a similar project was going on at that time and that I had somehow gotten access to top secret plans. During out conversation I guess he must have checked me for the signs of love, you know the pupils and my pulse. Anyway we ended up in Mycroft's office talking about my requests in exchange for the information on the phone. I was close to beating the entire British nation when Sherlock stopped me. He figured out that the passcode to my phone was SHER. I guess I underestimated his skills."

I was shocked at the end of this story. She had loved him back. So I guess Sherlock really could have anything he wanted, including the girl. By the time she finished we were back at 221B and almost up the stairs. Once we sat down I got up to make tea and she spoke.

"It seems kind of sad in here, I guess you never really realize how important something is until it's gone huh?"

I could not agree with her statement more

"Ok Doctor Watson, tell me your story now."

I took a deep breath before starting.

"Sherlock told me that he made up Moriarty and all of the crimes just so he could become famous and recognized. Then he jumped off the roof of a hospital right in front of me. I could not protect him."

By the end of my story I was crying and Irene had gotten up and walked over to me.

"John, I am so sorry, nobody should have to go through something like that. It was not your fault you know."

I stopped cold. How is it that she was able to tell me the one thing I needed to hear the most. I leaned in and pressed my lips softly to hers. I felt her return the pressure and I pulled back.

"I'm sorry Irene."

She looked up at me and whispered.

"Don't apologize if you don't really mean it John."

Her words made me do something I never imagined I would ever do. I leaned in and kissed her again.

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Thanks Everyone for reading. R AND R PLEASE!


	3. Chapter 3

Hey everyone, so sorry that I could not keep this story going. It has been a long year for me, I just got out of the hospital after being there for seven months. I was not allowed access to a computer so this is my first chance I have gotten to update my story. Please review and rate my story or I won't keep writing this fanfiction. I promise now that I will keep updating and stay on task. I have gotten lots of complaints about why I would abandon my stories, but I promise I will not continue to neglect this one.

Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock but I do own this plot.

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John's POV

What I am doing? I don't know why I would be kissing her, I thought I hated her? I have to get out of here, I feel like I am suffocating.

"I-I need to l-leave.."

She looks at me with a concerned look in her eyes. "John, I am so sorry, please forgive me, I was just caught up in moment." "It's alright Irene, I just need to get some air, you can stay here if you want, I won't be more than an hour."

She nodded as I grabbed my jacket and rushed out of the door. The second I stepped outside I hailed a cabbie and told him to take me to St. Bart's hospital. I don't know why I wanted to go there, but I just needed some place quiet to think.

When we got there I stepped out and started walking up to the roof. As I reached the top of the stairs I opened the door and stepped into the cool night air. I though I could handle it, but the second I look at the ledge he jumped off of, I lost it. I ran towards the ledge and was about to jump, when I felt strong hands grab me and pull me in a searing hug.

"Please don't do this John, please."

My heart stopped as I heard his voice. It was the voice I had wanted to hear for a long time. I was afraid to turn around. He seemed so real, but it was not possible. The man that I had loved was next to me and I was too terrified to even look at him.

"John, please look at me, I need to see your face."

I could not deny his request, as I turned around I felt my heart swell as I locked eyes with the world's only consulting detective. "S-Sherlock, how..what..." At that moment I saw something that shocked me to my core, tears were flowing out of his gorgeous eyes. He looked absolutely miserable.

"J-John I, I am so sorry, but please...don't do this." He looked like he was ready to pass out. He was thin and pale, and the tears that were spilling onto his shirt made him look so broken. "Please, don't...I can't watch you"

I was shocked, I was being held by Sherlock, the man I was deeply in love with. I knew he should be the one who was apologizing to me right now, but he just looked so broken and I just wanted to make him feel better.

"Oh Sherlock...It's ok, I wont jump."

A choked sob leaves his lips and he clings tighter to me. I want to stay like this forever. I misses his presence so much. He looks up at me again, and I see how miserable he looks. At that moment, all my emotions burst out of the seams and I kissed him hard.

He seemed stunned, but a few seconds later he was returning the pressure against my lips and it felt amazing. "John..." that moan did it. I pushed him onto the floor and climbed on top of him and started furiously making out with him. It felt like I was kissing him to make sure he was still there.

"John...oh god John." I wanted to stay like this forever, but I needed to get some answers, about why he left me, why he made me suffer. I reluctantly pulled off of him.

"Sherlock, I am so glad you are back, don't get me wrong, I have been begging for you to return since I saw you jump off this building. However, you have some explaining to do."

"Ok John, I understand, c-can we go home..." Those words cut through me like a knife. He wanted to go home. He would move back into 221B, everything would be fine.

"Of course Sherlock...lets go home." We got up and started walking out of the hospital and I hailed a cabbie. The entire ride was silent and when we finally arrived at Baker Street, we were still not talking. Once we got up the stairs I was relieved to see that Irene had left. There was a note on the counter and I picked it up.

_John,_

_I followed you, worried that you would do something drastic, when I saw him follow you up to the roof. I know you care for him, and I know that what happened between us was nothing but depression and the need to feel love again. Please, don't let him go, and I will be back to visit my favorite detective and doctor again soon._

_Irene Adler_

_The Woman_

I smiled slightly at the note and then turned around to see Sherlock looking around the flat with a look of comfort in his eyes. "I didn't have the heart to move any of your stuff. I needed to keep the flat looking like it did before you left." It was true, none of his stuff was moved. The only thing that changed was the box of heroine and pills under my bed.

"Alright Sherlock, explain." He sat down on the couch and looked up at me.

"Ok, well it started when I realized that I was going to die. I was scared and nervous, but I knew that I had to go through with it, because it was the only way to keep Moriarty from hurting the people I loved. I went to talk to Molly, she understood my problem and agreed to help me. We were originally going to call the police once Moriarty was on the roof, but he was one step ahead of me. He told me that he had snippers pointed at , Lestrade, and you. I was terrified, I could not let you die. After Moriarty killed himself on the roof to prevent me from freeing you three. I needed to form a plan quickly. While I was on the phone with you, I was texting directions to Molly. She drove a van with pillows and cushions up on the street to cushion my fall. When I landed in the van, I threw a body double out onto the street. We had someone from the lab hit you with a bike so you would have a mild concussion and not be able to tell that it was not me. After that, I used Mycroft's people to locate the rest of Moriarty's web and destroyed them. I got back to London, just in time to see you go up to that building. The only thing getting me through was the thought that you were safe, and alive. If you had killed yourself, then it would have made everything I worked for meaningless. I did what I had to do to keep you safe John, I can't lose you...I love you."

By the end of his explanation, I was in shock, I could feel the tears falling freely from my eyes. He saw the tears and his eyes widened as he ran over to me. "J-John please don't cry..I don't ever want to see you cry. I can leave if you want me to, just please don't cry..."

I moved over so I could hug him, and I pulled him into a tight embrace which he returned. "Oh Sherlock...I love you too. You are not going anywhere. Not without me anyway."

Suddenly, I felt my stomach lurch, and I felt hot and sweaty. I pulled off of him and rushed up to my bedroom. I could here him following after me shouting "JOHN, are you alright?!"

I ignored him as I made my way into my bathroom with the needles. But, as I tried to inject myself with the drug, I thought of Sherlock. He was back, and I should not be doing this to myself. I should not be doing this. By this time, Sherlock had broken down the door and ran into my bathroom. I heard him gasp as he saw my state. I was curled up in the corner with a needle pointed at my arm, crying.

"S-Sherlock..I-I" He swooped down next to me and help me close.

"John, I am so sorry. I am so sorry. But, I am here now, please forgive me. I will help you through this."

"S-Sherlock..don't hate me. Don't leave me again...I can't do it again"

I saw his face change, he looked so paranoid. "John, I will never hurt you again. I will protect you through thick and thin. Please don't cry. I don't hate you."

I was begging to regain control of my body, when another round of intense tremors shook me to my core and I clung to Sherlock as my body went out of control.

"Oh, John I hate sing you in pain...but withdraw is hard...I will be with you every step of the way."

I felt horrible, I was clinging to Sherlock like a child. He was whispering soothing words in my hair and rubbing my back. "I-I love you Sherlock Holmes."

"And I love you John Watson."

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R AND R! please tell me that I am doing a good job with the story.


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